10 Ways to Be Happier, Right Where You Are

At some point, most of us will relocate.  After all, the average American can expect to move 11.7 times during their lifetime.  That sounds about right to me – I've lived in 15 places over the past 60 years, ten of them since graduating college, in two different states and six communities, ranging from leafy suburbia to densely populated urban areas to a small old town surrounded by rice fields, with a population less than 5,000.

And each time I've moved, my family has packed up more possessions than I imagined we owned.  Beds, tables, chairs, rugs, dishes, bicycles, books, and more books.  It would be easier to sell, give away, or even set fire to all of that stuff, and start over from scratch.

But I've never done that, so the carefully packed and stacked items have been carried out of each old home and into each new one in order to be arranged, organized, and stored away.  Each item that finds a spot in the new place helps re-create a sense of familiarity and belonging.

Yet what I'm really looking for is change.

Pressing the reset button

Like many people who move someplace new, we've moved either for work or for some improvement such as a lower cost of living or proximity to family, entertainment, or other amenities.  We've viewed each new community as a blank slate, a do-over, a chance to remake our lives (or maybe to leave behind disappointing relationships or commitments we see no other way of escaping).

Freed, forgiven, and with fanciful ideas of new and uplifting friends and activities, we anticipate that life will be better.  That we will be better, and that we'll accomplish great (or at least worthwhile) things.

Of course, any decent therapist might remind us "Wherever you go, you take yourself with you," but we persist in believing that the right situation, the right place, will make all the difference.  Not that there isn't some power in the idea of a clean slate.  "The time of moving introduces so much upheaval into our customary habits that change becomes far easier," writes Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits.*

In one study of people trying to make a change – such as changes in career or education, relationships, addictive behaviors, or health behaviors including dieting – 36 percent of successful changes were associated with a move to a new place.

Want to lose weight?  Stop drinking?  Finally declutter and live a lighter, freer life?  "A new city presses the reset button," according to author Melody Warnick.

* This blog is reader-supported, with no ads.  If you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission.

We choose a new home or a new town, expecting it to remake and fulfill us.  Anticipation runs high.  But reality always sets in, and we discover that the new place isn't perfect.  How dare it not be perfect?  We went to all the expense and upheaval of moving there, yet soon the drawbacks make themselves felt.  It's too hot or too cold; it has too much traffic or too little culture; the neighbors are loud or nosy or too different from us.

Where would you live if you could go anywhere?  The life you imagine will always look better than the reality you have.  Fantasies are wonderful because there are no annoying details to interfere with your daydream.  The new location looks rosy because you can't prove otherwise.  The grass is always greener.

Young (or not so young) and restless

Americans have long been among the world's most mobile people.  We or our forebears all came here from somewhere else, and our country was founded on that pioneering spirit.  Each year about 30 million people play a huge game of musical chairs.

But we aren't the only ones to pack up our boxes and bags.  Norwegians and Finns move almost as much, and New Zealanders a bit more.  But in other countries, like China and Germany, people relocate far less often.

Where we live determines where we go to school, who we meet, who we marry, our range of career opportunities, how much money we make, maybe even how long we live.  (Average life expectancy varies from 80.7 years in Hawaii to 71.9 in Mississippi.)

My nephew recently made a move from Oregon to Alabama, following the current trend toward southern states.  One of my college friends and her husband bought a brand new trailer last year, and are traveling all over the country looking for a place to retire.  (Bruce is doing freelance consulting via his computer.)  A few years ago, my husband and I considered the pros and cons of moving from northern California to southern Indiana.  

Though only some of us will move in any given year, mulling over the possibilities is practically a national pastime.  With a fresh copy of Best Places to Live, published each year by U.S. News & World Report, or websites like livability.com, we research the options.

In spite of this, a Pew Research Center study found that 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state.  Even more remarkable, 37% have never left their hometown.  My husband's parents lived in the home he grew up in for 57 years.  For a country that prides itself on change, progress, and innovation, that statistic seems almost shocking.

Demographer Richard Florida, author of Who's Your City?, divides people into three categories:  the mobile, the stuck, and the rooted.  We tend to focus on the first two.  The mobile can pick up and move with the opportunities, while the stuck lack the resources to make those kinds of choices.  The rooted have the ability to move if they want, but choose to stay.  Why?  They're content where they are.

The value of contentment

All of us could benefit from greater contentment.  Contented people are generally happier, more at ease, and less stressed.  They appreciate what they have rather than continually longing for more.  They're able to enjoy small pleasures and find satisfaction in everyday events.

Contentment doesn't have to become complacency.  You can value what you already have while choosing to develop it and make the most of it.  Instead of moving from place to place, looking for the next big thing, trying to outdo everyone else, you can choose your own path, embrace the things that add meaning and fulfillment to your life, and let go of everything else.

Author Joshua Becker reminds us that contentment can fuel our ambitions because

... we are not acting out of scarcity, but out of gratitude for what we already have, enthusiasm for what we can achieve, and a desire to share our gifts with others.

So what we have becomes enough when we choose to appreciate it.  Perhaps a place becomes the right place when we choose to love it.

10 ways to become rooted

Philosopher Simone Weil wrote, "To be rooted is perhaps the most important and least recognized need of the human soul."

A sense of being at home and connected with your town or neighborhood doesn't just reduce loneliness, as important as that is.  It increases your engagement with local events, businesses, and organizations.  It inspires you to take better care of what's good and to improve what's not so good.  This makes you feel useful and valuable while helping your town prosper.

Becoming attached to where you live isn't just emotional.  Plenty of studies show that our actions shape our emotions, which is why you can improve your marriage by treating each other the way you did when you first fell in love.  You don't have to just wait for the feeling of being rooted to develop over years.  You can make it happen.  This is something you can do.  As Ethan Kent of the nonprofit Project for Public Spaces says,

Cities that succeed are the ones that allow people to help create them.  That's how they become better places, but also how people are going to become more attached to them.  When people help create their place, they see themselves reflected in it.  It reflects their values and personalities and becomes more an extension of themselves.

So if you want to become rooted, you should act like someone who is rooted.  Choose one or more of these actions that appeal to you:

• Walk more – in your neighborhood, in public parks, downtown.

• Introduce yourself to your neighbors; put down your phone and chat with people you meet.

• Buy local – Don't just go online to Target or Amazon, but search for locally-owned book stores, gift shops, and clothing boutiques (this can include consignment and resale stores).

• Explore nature in your area – hike, picnic, camp, fish, birdwatch, etc.

• Volunteer – Choose a local nonprofit, or join a community chorus, orchestra, chess club, place of worship, etc.

• Eat local – Starbucks and McDonald's are everywhere, and make your town look like it could be any town.  Search out locally-owned coffee shops, restaurants, farmer's markets, and fruit stands.

• Look for fun stuff such as city-organized parades, area art shows, community museums, homegrown cultural festivals, the county fair, etc.

• Consider politics – Attend a city council meeting or a meeting of the school board.

• Beautify your place – Plant flowers or plant a tree, share holidays with your neighbors by decorating your home, create and use a comfortable front porch or other outdoor space.

• Reset right where you are – You don't have to move to a new place to learn a new habit or break an old one.  Make tiny changes that you can do consistently, and watch those small steps help you reach a big goal.

For better or worse, where we live forms the backdrop for our daily life.  The actions we take impact the quality of that life, for us and for others.  So help yourself become more content with wherever you're living today – rooted, grounded, at home and happy.

Related article:  Una Bella Vita (A Beautiful Life)

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