Maximum Gratitude, Minimal Stuff

Tomorrow is Black Friday, the biggest shopping day in the U.S. and other countries around the world.  In 2025, more shopping is expected to happen online than in stores, but for many people, Black Friday shopping is still a traditional, social experience.  Even though retailers now offer Black Friday sales throughout the month of November and beyond, over 76 million Americans visited stores in person on the day after Thanksgiving last year, and a similar number are expected to brave the crowds and the lines this year too. Of course, the marketers that design Black Friday events and promotions are hoping to convince us that our lives (or our holiday gift recipients) will be happier and better if we give them our money in exchange for their products.  They don't just sell products – they sell feelings, aspirations, and solutions to problems we don't even know we have. "Expect more, pay less."  "Save money, live better."  "Because you're worth it....

Our culture has the wrong idea about happiness.  It seems to say that happiness comes from success – financial, professional, etc.  Achieving more money, more possessions, more travel, a promotion, an athletic record, or even a high GPA or SAT score is supposed to make us happy and satisfied.  Yet more often, meeting one goal seems to spawn two or three more, and we never stop chasing the next high. There's been a lot of research on happiness, especially in the past 20 to 30 years, and what we've learned is that reaching the typical milestones of success doesn't make us happy, at least not for long.  The new house or car, the big raise, even getting into the college of our dreams doesn't make much difference in our overall level of happiness, and can sometimes make us less happy – for example, if the extra costs of a larger house or fancier vehicle outweigh the enjoyment they give, if a promotion makes our work days longer and more stressful, or if the hyper-competi...

For me, Christmas means music, candles, the Christmas Eve service at church, and time with family playing board games or watching the old black and white Miracle on 34th Street .  For you, Christmas might mean your annual ski trip, dressing up to attend the Nutcracker ballet, eating cookies and drinking eggnog, or hanging Christmas lights and decorating the tree.  You want to create the memories and carry on the traditions that mean most to you, but you don't want to feel stressed or anxious while you do it.  This time of year is meant to be joyful, not pressured.  So how can you make things simpler, but keep what matters? 10 ideas for a relaxed and cozy holiday 1.  Begin with deciding what Christmas means to you. Give yourself a focus, and everything will be simpler.  Other things can go by the wayside as long as you accomplish what matters most to you. 2.  Choose a mantra. Make your holiday about one main idea, and remind yourself of it frequently....

Have you heard of the Five Love Languages ?  It's a concept that's been around for more than 30 years, ever since pastor and marriage counselor Gary Chapman wrote a book about it. I'm not going to debunk the idea, since many people have found that it helps them understand and relate to their loved ones.  I do think it's important to note that all of us give and receive love in multiple ways.  Maybe the important takeaway from the Five Love Languages concept is that love is expressed by spending time and paying attention, saying kind and uplifting words, sharing physical closeness, performing acts of service, and – sometimes – giving appropriate gifts. Love is not a transaction. What I have a problem with is the assertion that, for some people, giving and receiving gifts is the main or only way they can express love or feel loved.  I think that idea is ridiculous, and demonstrably untrue.  How many of us have known someone whose parents always showered them with...

We've all been there.  You're rushed, busy, and tired after working all day.  But company's coming, and you're desperate to fix the piles of clutter, unfinished projects, and dusty surfaces.  How do you create a sense of calm – right now – so you can relax and welcome guests? Here are five simple jobs that can soothe your racing mind and tame your messy house. 1.  Start with quick wins. These tasks take just minutes, but have a high impact on the look of your space, and let you feel motivated by what you've accomplished. Collect all trash, then take it out. Collect mail and papers into a basket for later sorting. Load the dishwasher and wipe down kitchen countertops. Hang up scattered re-wearable clothing, and place dirty items in a laundry hamper. Gather potions and grooming tools into a basket for later sorting/decluttering.  Wipe down the bathroom mirror and counter, leaving it clear except for hand soap and a clean towel . Use a natural all-purpose cleaner...

I've been choosing a simpler life for more than 25 years, and I still get caught up in Christmas Chaos.  I still get sucked into comparison thinking.  My husband and I set very clear priorities about gifts, parties, and other activities, and I still find myself vulnerable to ads, sales, and pretty, curated pictures of what other people are buying doing, and creating. So before it all gets ramped up into high gear, I want to think carefully about what I want this season to look and feel like.  It's a wonderful time of year, but it's not the ONLY time of year.  It's not right for us to burn ourselves and our wallets out so that we have no energy or cash for the next several months.  Life continues after December 25th, and we need to have some resources left. A little advance planning about what we want to do – and what we don't want to do – can help us out. 6 suggestions for a slower, simpler holiday 1.  Set limits and priorities. It's good to do this early s...

Nine times out of 10, when I tell people what I write about, they say "I could never be a minimalist."  Or "That would just be too hard."  Or "I could never give up my _____."  Or possibly, "I wouldn't want to limit myself." But here's the truth we hide from:  We're all minimizing something, whether we realize it or not. Every day, we make choices about how we'll spend our time, energy, money, attention, talents, affections, and more.  These important assets are all finite.  Even the richest or most talented person has a limit on his or her time and attention.  No one can have or do everything. So every day, we have to decide how we're going to use these precious resources.  And every choice is a trade-off.  If I say yes to doing or buying or listening to one thing, I have to say no to something else.  If I choose more possessions, I have to give up something else.  If I choose more work, I can't do something else. The cum...

I'm sure you've never found yourself in this position: Your child already has plenty of toys (translation: way too many ), yet you're cruising through Target and they mention they want something else.  Something new.  They're "so bored" with what they've already got.  "Look, Mom, it's so cute !"  It's not their birthday, it's not Christmas, it's not the beginning of summer vacation.  It's just a random Monday early in November.  And they want it now – did I mention that?  They don't want to add it to a list of potential gifts for later. Hmmm... this doesn't sound like anything you ever say or do, does it?  You don't just buy random items because they're cute, on sale, might go with some other random thing you already own, or could be potentially useful someday – right?  You're never bored and think a purchase would pep you up and give you something to be excited about – right? Okay, maybe you do.  Sometime...

Do you remember any Halloween costumes from your past?  When I was five, my mother dressed me as a cute witch (complete with a wig she made out of gray rug yarn) for the kindergarten costume parade.  I loved that wig, and played with it for a while afterwards.  I also remember being an "old lady" a few years later.  I wore my mother's robe and slippers, she put my hair in curlers and a hair net, and I perched my own old cat-eye glasses on the end of my nose. When my own daughter was about six, I made her a layered skirt using red and rose sateen bought on sale, tulle, and ribbons.  A plastic tiara completed her princess costume for Halloween that year.  The skirt went into the dress-up box, and became a regular feature of pretend play.  The next year, the skirt reappeared, and along with a colorful head scarf, a tambourine, and a lot of costume jewelry, transformed into a Bohemian costume. This year, my nearly ten-year-old grandson has plans to dress a...

All too often, we worry about producing The Best Holiday Ever, and while those online ideas for intricate themed décor, awe-inspiring parties, picture-perfect outfits, chef-inspired feasts, postcard-worthy travel, and starry-eyed children look gorgeous, the effect can be overwhelming. Social media has a way of amplifying everything, and even the most well-meant content can start feeling like a huge checklist that we're failing to complete.  Our modern Christmas isn't the remembrance of a humble birth or a relaxed day with those you love.  It's a huge performance that requires all of your energy (and money) for a month or more. And if you have kids or grandkids, the pressure to not only fulfill all of their (inflated) dreams, but to document every moment, is huge.  We've all heard this – the holidays are supposed to be magical . Now, I love a bit of Christmas sparkle and anticipation, and for many years I enjoyed the practice and preparations for holiday musical performa...