One Question That's Keeping Your Home Cluttered

Have you ever tried decluttering with a child?  You walk into their room, or the family room, or wherever the toys are piled highest, and it's so overwhelming you just feel like dumping the lot.

It may be a natural feeling, but you know it would be cruel, and that's not what you want.  You just want some clarity.  You want some peace.  You want some space to walk around without stabbing your foot on a toy!

So you pick up something you know your child hasn't actually played with in quite a while.  It's a thing that gets tossed around when she's looking for the thing she really wants.  It's pretty ratty-looking too (unless it's made of plastic, in which case it will look practically brand-new when it's been in the landfill for a century).  Then you ask her the question.

It's the question that's going to keep your entire house cluttered.

Reasons we keep our stuff

We're really good at accumulating, but not so good at getting rid of things.  That's obvious, right?  That's why our homes are crowded and cluttered.  We pick something up, hold it, consider it, and our minds fill with all the reasons we should keep it.

• It was a gift.
• You spent good money for it.
• It belonged to Grandma.
• It's still perfectly good.
• You might need it someday.
• It's actually kind of cute.
• It might eventually become a valuable collectible.

That's why the "keep" pile stays so big while the "donate," "sell," and "trash" piles grow so slowly.  We might spend an hour decluttering and only find six things to remove.  Oh, wait a minute... maybe just five.  I've got to keep this.

No wonder we're still cluttered!  Plus now we're discouraged and pretty sure that minimalism will never work.  We're more at the mercy of our stuff than we were when we started.

It's because we're asking ourselves that same question.

What is that question?

 

Here's what happens when you hold up a toy and ask your kids, "Do you want to get rid of this?"  One (or more) of them is going to melt down and insist that you can't possibly get rid of it.  They will suddenly morph into Clarence Darrow and give you a list of reasons why that toy is innocent and must stay.  They will be eloquent, sincere, and possibly even tearful.  They will grab the toy from you and cuddle it, as if to reassure it that their commitment is strong.

You will not declutter any toys that day.

The question, "Should I get rid of this?" can make a boxed-up, unused, even ragged or broken thing feel like something you should keep.

There's actually science behind this.  Retailers know all about it.  If they can get you to touch something, adjust it, handle it, and/or try it on, your attachment to that thing grows.  In fact, the longer you touch an object, the greater the value you assign to it.  That's right – you'll pay more (up to 60% more) for something you've handled and imagined as your own.

Turn it around.

Here's how to make decluttering much easier.  Instead of asking "Should I get rid of this?" or touching your stuff and activating that "It's mine, and I want to keep it" response, make your question positive.

Ask, "What do I want to keep?"

Instead of worrying about everything you might lose by decluttering, focus on what you'll get to keep and enjoy.  Realize how much easier it will be to find that thing, or to appreciate it in an uncluttered display, when you have only what you need and love.

When I first decluttered toys with my kids, we started talking about their favorite toys.  That was fun!  They picked out the toys they loved and played with most often, and even got excited about giving other things to "kids who don't have any toys."  It was quick, painless, and left us with a fairly small number of keepers and a big pile of things to trash, donate, or sell at our next garage sale.

Making the question positive helps you envision that home you dream of – that beautiful, peaceful, clutter-free home.  What do you want in it?  What would make life comfortable and efficient?  What would you enjoy looking at every day?  What fits and flatters, mixes and matches?

Try a different question when you're ready to declutter.  Instead of asking what you should remove, turn it around and ask, "What do I want to keep?"  It will help you get to less.

Related article: How to Use the 5 Second Rule for Decluttering

Another perspective

I stand behind the positive mindset of this post, but I'm going to play devil's advocate here.  Marie Kondo gives the opposite advice, and it seems to work for a lot of people.  Read my take on it here.

Which idea resonates most with you?

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Back in August I was interviewed by Lisa Valentine Clark for her podcast The Lisa Show, and that episode dropped this Tuesday.  If you'd like to listen in as I talk with Lisa and wedding planner Amanda Everson about simplifying celebrations for less stress and more joy, go here.