Overwhelmed by Toys? Your Kids Feel Even More Stress than You Do

All of us want home maintenance to be easy and fuss-free. Even though my husband Jon has always helped with housework, for many years I needed to keep our belongings at a level that I could handle on my own, not at a level that it took the whole family an entire weekend to manage. Even though I worked part-time, home schooled my kids, volunteered at our church, and auditioned, practiced, and performed as a professional singer, I still wanted a clean, attractive, clutter-free home.

Life happens and plans go wrong, projects take longer than you anticipate, and kids need all the reminders and follow-up if you expect them to clean up after themselves. So if we owned only what I could personally stay on top of, it became super easy to deal with when everyone worked together. It saved time, reduced arguments, lowered stress, and made home life much more peaceful.

Meals, laundry, paperwork... and toys, toys, toys

I found that streamlining grocery shopping and meal prep, staying on top of laundry, and corralling paperwork kept daily life humming along. Fewer choices and a consistent schedule meant I wasn't constantly playing catch-up on these essential chores, so not only did visible clutter decrease, I also felt less burdened and out of control. I used less energy on these tasks because I wasn't feeling rushed or frantic, and I had more time to do things I preferred, such as reading a book or working at a hobby.

But the kids' toys (and later on, their hobbies) could still make an otherwise clean and tidy home feel out of control in no time flat. Toys spread out of their rooms and down the hall to the living area, and even the dining table would be covered with coloring books, game pieces, doll dishes, and more. And once they were scattered through the house (often because the kids were looking for a particular toy they couldn't find among so many others), no one had fun picking them all up or finding space to shove them all away. I kept buying more baskets, shelves, and other storage systems, and they kept getting filled to overflowing.

To make things worse, in any given week, each child might get a Happy Meal toy, a small pack of cheap crayons and a coloring page from a restaurant, a new Barbie outfit, Hot Wheels car, or other cheap impulse purchase (by me), or a bag of dollar store swag from a friend's birthday party. Even the dentist gave stickers, the pediatrician had a "treasure chest" the kids picked from after every appointment, and Sunday school might send home a Bible-themed pencil or bookmark. Grandma could be counted on to provide a new book, tee shirt, stuffed animal, or another toy or game whenever the kids visited. I'm not even counting toys I bought for their birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays, or books I bought for our home school!

Several studies indicate that being surrounded by clutter can affect mental health:

A 2011 study at Princeton University found that chaotic spaces hinder our ability to focus on and process information. The "visual noise" also makes it hard to relax.

A 2016 study found a clear link between an overabundance of possessions and well-being. While personal possessions can increase our feeling of being "at home" in a space, when the volume of possessions becomes excessive, "cluttered spaces can interfere with people's ability to execute normal life activities... and create disconnectedness...." leading to anxiety, shame, and an inability to cope.

A famous UCLA study found a direct relationship between cluttered homes and the stress hormone cortisol, which is linked with anxiety and depression.

And finally, a 2020 study found a correlation between a chaotic home and lower cognitive development, poorer social functioning, greater behavioral problems, and higher stress in children.

My grandsons probably own too many toys. When they're playing, they take toys out and discard them quickly, already bored. They don't have to focus on playing with any one thing because there are boxes and cubbies full of toys they haven't accessed yet. And cleaning up the playroom is a time-consuming, nearly impossible chore. Most days, it just doesn't happen.

However, when they come to my house, there are only a few toys for them. They get very creative with those toys because there aren't too many, and they collaborate and pretend for a long time. Clean up usually takes about 10 minutes.

5 steps to tackle the toys

Even though kids' toys and books make a huge daily difference to our levels of stress and overwhelm, it can be tricky to reduce their number.

Reducing the burden of toys presents several challenges. There is of course the nostalgia factor ("Remember how they played with this toy so much when they were younger?" or "Ooooh, that's the stuffed animal Aunt Jenny gave you when you were born!"). Then there's the guilt factor ("We paid so much for that for your last birthday!" or "Grandma gave that to you, and might be upset if we let it go."). And the kids' own feelings also come into play. My oldest grandson was upset when I donated some baby toys that even his 2-year-old brother no longer plays with!

1. Remove the easy stuff.

toys that are broken, tattered, unrepairable
freebie toys (like Happy Meal toys, party favors, arcade prizes, etc.)
games and sets that are missing pieces

This will help, but it's not enough.

2. Reduce the duplicates.

Start by sorting and categorizing the toys. You'll want several boxes or bins so you can toss toys into them, like with like (for example, dolls with dolls, vehicles with vehicles, and so on).

Now's your chance to decide on categories of toys you want to keep. I always recommend open-ended toys that promote skills and imagination, such as:

blocks, Legos, magnet tiles,* and other building sets
vehicles and/or train sets
dolls/stuffed animals
pretend play items like toy dishes/food, doctor kits, doll houses, costumes, etc.
art and craft supplies
games/puzzles

I suggest that you limit electronic and tie-in toys because they keep your child passive. Either they require a specific, programmed response, or he thinks he has to play according to the movie or TV show.

* This blog is reader-supported, with no ads. If you buy through my links, I may earn a small commission.

3. Edit and purge toys by setting limits.

The limit is either a number or a container size. This means your child chooses her Top 5 or Top 10 in any category to keep, and the rest is boxed up. Or you pick a certain bin and he fills it with one type of toy, beginning with his favorites. Whatever fits, stays, and the rest is boxed up.

Encourage your child to think about which toys or books are their true favorites, and which they've outgrown or just don't play with. Let the focus be on what they want to keep rather than on what they're getting rid of. This is a really important distinction that will help you too, because it's a positive way to remind yourself of how much you have, instead of feeling that you're losing too much.

4. Donate, sell, or store what you've removed.

If your child struggles to let go, try these ideas:

Encourage him to think about another child who will appreciate the donation of a toy he once enjoyed playing with.

Let her sell the discards at a yard sale or consignment store and keep the resulting cash for something she wants. Alternatively, you could pay her for each item (from 25¢ to $1 or $2 apiece).

Use an "on hold" box to store toys for several weeks or months. If your child spontaneously asks for something from the box, return it to the play area. After the waiting period, the items can be donated or sold.

For items that have been especially beloved or sentimental, designate one bin per child for permanent storage. Space will be limited, so only very special items will live here.

For some children, tucking old favorites into a keepsake box and immediately selling or donating the rest of their outgrown toys and books may backfire if you don't involve them in the process. You don't want to cause resentment or possessiveness. I believe we should be respectful of our children as we declutter, and avoid creating anxiety about the sudden disappearance of their stuff.

This is your chance to teach them about healthy boundaries, and to open their eyes to the abundance they enjoy, rather than making them feel deprived. These are fantastic mindsets to carry into adulthood!

5. Make it easy to clean up.

This is more about function than form. Expecting Instagram perfection with only artisanal toys in a precise line makes the job onerous and will defeat your purpose of a peaceful, stress-free, yet fun toy experience. Bins for each type of toy are easy to use, and they can be organized on shelves or even on the floor at one end of the room.

5 hints to stay uncluttered

1. Control your shopping.

Limit the number of toys you buy so when others give your kids something it doesn't become excessive.

2. Make a new rule.

Decide that freebie/cheap toys have a limited lifespan in your house.

3. Change gift guidelines.

When loved ones ask about gift possibilities, suggest experiences or consumable items, such as a museum membership, a fun outing, or craft supplies. Tell them about characters, games, or movies your kids like, so that Frozen pajamas or a Minecraft tee shirt can thrill your child without adding to the toy stash.

4. Share the advantages.

Talk with loved ones about your regular toy decluttering sessions, and emphasize the benefits you've gained.

5. Appreciate generosity.

If someone does buy a toy for your child, accept it graciously. Value their kindness, and let the gift strengthen their relationship. That said, just because something was a gift doesn't mean you can't declutter it later.

Creative, capable, and free

With fewer toys, you may notice that your kids use them more creatively and engage with them longer. And even if everything is taken out for an awesome pretend game, it won't take much time to put it all away. Your kids will learn to do this on their own, without your help, and all of you will feel liberated!

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