On the Road to Recovery

My name is Karen, and I'm not perfect.

I've never gone to an AA meeting, and maybe you haven't either, but we've all seen them portrayed on TV.  Each person who shares begins with their name and addiction.  And the response?  No judgment.  No condemnation.  Not even, "You should do X to fix yourself."  The response is simply, "Hi [your name]."

What's offered is welcome, acceptance, a listening ear, and support.

Why we live at odds with others

All too often, we don't approach other people this way.  We don't do this for each other.  Instead of listening and talking, we take offense.  We decide we are right, we have to be right.  We rush to judgment, forgetting that we too should start with "I'm Karen, and I'm not perfect."

When we forget that we're a work in progress, just like everyone else, we divide ourselves from others.  We create "them" (the ones that don't meet our standards of acceptability) and "me" or "us" (the in-group we identify with).  It's arrogant and misguided, but most of us do it anyway.

I've heard people complain that if we simply accept everyone as they are and stop presuming to fix them, we'll lower all standards and usher in chaos.  We'll destroy morality and open the door to corruption.

Once again, AA shows how this can work.  Those meetings aren't a free-for-all.  People take turns and respect each other.  They're not impressed by background and material achievements, but by commitment to the program and to helping others.  And those 12 steps aren't arbitrary suggestions.  They're the road map to a better life.

AA isn't about comparing yourself to anyone else.  You compare yourself to where you were yesterday.  The only thing you're trying to beat is your addiction.

What about what happens when you relapse?  Are you branded a failure, labeled insincere, deemed unworthy, written off?  No way.  Everyone knows you're imperfect because they know they're vulnerable too.  When you return, there's no judgment or condemnation.  Once again, you're offered welcome, acceptance, a listening ear, and support.  You're guided toward hope and a new purpose.

How imperfect works for you

My relationships aren't perfect.  I'm not someone you're going to put up on a pedestal or brag about to your friends.  I'm just a woman who's telling you that being humble and receptive and living at peace with others is going to make you happier than playing "us" and "them."

This goal is probably not a linear journey.  You start today and go until who knows?  And then you'll probably need to apologize and reset.  The hard part is getting started and accepting that you're less than perfect.  That puts you on equal footing with everyone else.  But like anyone else, you can improve.

Be ready to admit you've erred and say you're sorry.  After all, you're at fault, but you can get better.  It's the road to recovery.

Related article: One Simple Piece of Relationship Advice

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