The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Ownership

By
There's a belief about ownership which goes something like this:  "If you own _______, you'll be _______."  It elevates ownership as the answer to all of our hopes and dreams.


Some examples:

  • If you own a pair of skinny jeans, you'll look skinnier.
  • If you own the right skin care products, you'll look younger.
  • If you own a designer handbag, you'll be stylish/happy/enviable.
  • If you own the right equipment, you'll be more proficient.
  • If you own the latest technology, you'll be smarter/cooler/safer.

handbags for sale



The truth


The only truth about ownership is that if you own something, it's yours to pay for and take care of.  It doesn't solve your problems or change you into something you're not.


Ownership begins with payment.  You sign a contract or a loan document, swipe a credit card, or hand over your hard-earned cash.  After a very short "I got it!  It's mine!" high, you get used to having whatever-it-is and it's no longer quite so exciting.


Yet you continue to pay.  If not with a monthly check or automatic charge to your bank account, you pay with time and energy as you think about, protect, and maintain your possession.  You may even invest more money insuring, repairing, and upgrading it.





3 biggest myths


Let's start with the biggest of all – the myth of home ownership.  My husband and I bought our last house in 2007, and here are some of the lies we told ourselves:

  • If we own our home, it will be cheaper than renting.
  • If we own our home, we won't have issues with neighbors.
  • If we own our home, we'll be making a smart investment.
  • If we own our home, we'll be responsible adults.
  • If we own our home, we'll feel more settled and comfortable.
  • If we own our home, we can decorate it our own way.
  • If we own our home, we'll be successful.

We bought our home with good intentions, and believed the myths about tax benefits and building equity.  We imagined we'd be happier as we upgraded and personalized our house to make it reflect our interests and lifestyle.


We learned that none of that was true, and have discovered that we can be happy anywhere.




The next big myth is about owning a new car.  I used to think that having a car payment was an inevitable part of life.  These are the stories I told myself:

  • A used car isn't reliable.
  • I need a new car with all the latest bells and whistles.
  • The payment is worth it to have a pristine vehicle.
  • The payment is worth it for the new car warranty.
  • If we have a newer car, we'll take more exciting family trips.
  • Having a new car means I'm successful.
  • It's only $400 a month.

The cost of a car is much more than the monthly payment.  It also carries the responsibility to insure, maintain, and repair that vehicle.  It includes licensing, registration, and fuel (or electricity).  It's important to understand the true cost of personal transportation.


Finally, there's the myth about owning all of the right stuff.  Think of the stories you tell yourself about what you "need" to own:

  • If I had the right phone, I'd be more in touch and more productive.
  • If I had the right wardrobe, I'd be more confident, powerful, and successful.
  • If I had a remodeled kitchen, I'd entertain more and have more friends.
  • If we had the latest gaming system, we'd spend time together and have a better relationship.
  • If I had the right stuff, I'd fit in and everyone would love me.

Take away those myths, and you may worry less and become more self-reliant.  You'd make purchases with intention and a purpose greater than how you think it will make you look or feel.  As author Courtney Carver says:


You aren't your stuff and it will never make you more lovable.  Give people a chance to love you for you.


Related article:  Why It's Good to Be Weird





The alternative


What if we worried less about ownership?  What if we purchased things when we needed them and stopped thinking or worrying about them when we didn't?  What if we borrowed and shared more?  And most importantly, what if we found happiness in something other than stuff?  Instead, we could spend time and energy cultivating

  • gratitude
  • generosity
  • joy
  • attention
  • relationships
  • talent

Understanding the myths of ownership doesn't mean you shouldn't buy things, or that buying something (even a house or a new car) is always a bad decision.  It just means that when you do buy, you should ignore the hype and the expectations and be real.  It means that you should loosen your grip on what you already own so you can share it, sell it, or give it away when it stops having a purpose in your life.  Don't be the person whose home is packed with stuff that doesn't fit, is broken, has expired, or belongs to a long-ago phase or fantasy life.


When the lies are gone, you can be free.  You'll realize that you don't have to own something to use and enjoy it, and that your hopes and dreams can be fulfilled in a multitude of ways.




Comments

  1. JaneApril 1, 2024 at 9:38 AM

    I am reading your book “Uncluttered: How Minimalism Can Help You Thrive,” and I had to let you know how much I am enjoying it! I have been on a minimalism/decluttering journey for a few years and finally (at age 78) I am making real progress! I have read many books on the subject by well-known minimalists, but I feel yours is the one that “covers all the bases!” I have struggled with weight issues since college, and feel like I’m slowly making progress in that area as well. Thank you so much for giving me so much to think about, and making me feel in control of my space!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen TrefzgerApril 3, 2024 at 11:43 AM

      Hi Jane, and thank you for your kind comment! Good luck with all of your efforts.

      Delete
  2. AnonymousApril 1, 2024 at 1:07 PM

    Selling our last house and moving into an apartment is one of the best things we ever did. Besides buying our first house when the housing market was rising so we made a lot of money selling.
    Linda Sand

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen TrefzgerApril 3, 2024 at 11:43 AM

      My husband and I also feel that moving into an apartment was a great financial decision for us.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

45 Useful Tips to Help You Responsibly Declutter Unwanted Items

By
Image
Do you ever drive down the highway or out on a country road and see someone's old couch or mattress?  When driving through the orchards and croplands around my town, I sometimes see stuff like this in an irrigation ditch.  I can't believe people do this, and leave it for the farmers to clean up or pay for disposal. Tossing stuff you no longer need or want into a dumpster isn't minimalism – it's the equivalent of littering , just like the people who throw things out on the side of the road.  It may seem simple, but it's not responsible or good for the environment. Unfortunately, some of what we remove from our homes is garbage , and there's no place for it but the landfill.  But when getting rid of clutter means mindlessly tossing it into the garbage, it becomes too easy to buy more and fill our homes up all over again.   By becoming more accountable, we change our minds about purchasing.  I believe that when you thoughtfully declutter, you'll become very sen
Read more

Why You Should Make "Less is More" Your Mantra for Life

By
Image
Maybe you've heard the saying popularized by architect Mies van der Rohe in 1947:  "Less is more." It's an oxymoron – a phrase that seems to contradict itself.  Others include "old news," "open secret," "unbiased opinion," and "awfully good."  Or the lament, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." What does "less is more" mean?  It's wonderfully open-ended.  Answers to that are as varied as the people who reply.  Consider: Less anxiety, more peace. Less debt, more savings. Less busywork, more substance. Less clutter, more space. Less comparison, more contentment. Less sugar, more vegetables. Voluntary simplicity Back in the 1990s, a fair number of Americans realized that the continual quest for more and better was stressing them out and keeping them from creating lives of purpose.  After the consumerist binge of the yuppie-era 80s, some started wondering if the big house, flashy car, exotic vacation, and Rolex we
Read more

12 Tips to Try When You're Frustrated with Decluttering

By
Image
I won't sugar-coat it – decluttering is a hard job.  The more you're stressed and challenged by your home – the more you need the benefits that come with decluttering – the bigger the job probably is.  The advantages are real, but so is the frustration.  At times, you may feel tired, sad, or overwhelmed.  Letting go of stuff requires constant decision-making, and sometimes you'll need a break. And you deserve one!  You're not just decluttering, you're in the process of changing your mindset and your habits , and that's hard for anyone.  So when you feel like the job is too big, or that you should have everything under control, remember that no one has it all under control.  We're human, which means that we often have to learn the hard way.  But the victory will be even sweeter because you made it through the highs, the lows, and everything in between. When you feel like giving up, on decluttering or anything else, be gentle with yourself, and say goodbye to
Read more

Why You Should Try Wearing the Same Clothes Every Day

By
Image
Wearing the same clothes every day would get boring, wouldn't it? A long time ago, I had a job that required a uniform, and I have to say it did make life easier .  I had three copies of my work outfit, and there was never a question about what to wear.  I never worried whether my clothes were stylish or "right," because everyone else wore the same thing. The same argument has been used in public and private schools in favor of student uniforms.  Rather than constant worries about fashion and comparisons and dress codes, a uniform makes everything simple.  It's one less thing to think about in the complex life of a student. Many people argue that clothes make a statement about who you are.  "I express myself through my clothes" is a comment I've often heard, usually from women.  The idea of a uniform scares them, because how will they make themselves noticeable or unique ? I think we might be imagining some sort of Handmaid's Tale society, where we
Read more

The Hygge Way to Clean and Declutter

By
Image
When I returned home from a weekend trip recently, I immediately unpacked my suitcase, washed a load of dirty clothes, and put everything away.  It made me feel settled and at home.  It was comfortable. A few days later, I felt a bit restless, so I set my writing aside and started cleaning.  I cleaned the refrigerator door and wiped the kitchen counters.  I swept the porch and mopped the floor in our small entry hall.  I decluttered a few old papers from my file box.  It felt good. Self-soothing with home care For me, cleaning, organizing, and decluttering are a form of self-care.  Tidying gives me satisfaction.  It makes me feel that I'm managing my life and ready for what's next. A hygge home isn't dirty.  It's not cluttered with garbage, dirty dishes, or things we never use or put away.  It's not covered in a thick layer of dust.  So don't decide that pouring a glass of wine, lighting a candle, and snuggling under a blanket is hygge, but running the vacuum is
Read more