Maximum Gratitude, Minimal Stuff

I had a very vivid dream a couple of weeks ago – I think it was a memory, although a few parts of it didn't fit with my childhood.  (For example, the house I'm remembering didn't have a fireplace.)  But much of it was real, and I awoke knowing how very blessed I was by my parents and the home they made for us. What also struck me about this holiday memory is that it doesn't feature shopping, presents, a trip, or even a purchased "experience."  It includes very simple elements, yet the sights, sounds, tastes, textures, and fragrances stick with me. As we're gearing up for Christmas, with all of our projects and plans, let's remember that many things we're spending our money and energy on might not be important in the long run.  Don't rely on gifts or even bucket list experiences to make memories.  What's important is how we make ourselves and others feel .  Maya Angelou said it best: People will forget what you said, people will forget what ...

Rest is the most natural thing in the world, yet many of us ignore it because it runs counter to our society's pressure to do it all.  We overuse coffee, 5-Hour Energy drinks, and junky snacks to keep ourselves going beyond what our bodies can really handle.  Alternatively, when we've hit a wall and feel the exhaustion, we "rest" by binging on Netflix or social media, or we turn to bars or casinos in order to "relax." The result is that a huge number of us are chronically sleep-deprived , which leads to brain fog, depression, cardiovascular and metabolic dysfunctions, increased accidents, and more. The 24/7 life is glorified, and constant connection via computers and cell phones has made the problem worse, because we place no boundaries on our "on call" time.  Technology makes us feel like we have more control over our environment, but the truth is we're losing control over our most precious and finite resource – our time. It's not natural....

My mom used to say "Use your manners.  Be nice.  It will make people like you."  She was teaching me the basic formula for getting along with people, and it was a valuable lesson. Being polite is important for a civil society.  Holding the door for someone, letting someone else go first, saying please and thank you – these are behaviors we teach our children.  And yet it's possible to have correct manners without being truly kind. Politeness might be the face we show the world, but it can be self-centered.  It might be more about gaining approval and making a good impression than treating people well.  It's possible for charm to conceal selfishness and greed. Personality isn't the same as character. More than skin deep We all know that being polite makes social interactions more pleasant.  It makes work environments smoother and more productive.  It can improve the service we receive in a store or restaurant.  Politeness is important, bu...

I made a trip to Target today, just for toothpaste, hand cream, toilet paper, and a roll of Christmas wrapping paper.  What a madhouse it was!  The long, long lines, the carts piled high, and – most of all – the tired faces.  I didn't see a lot of holiday happiness.  Oh, a few people were trying, but most just wanted to get their shopping done and one more thing crossed off the to-do list. Full disclosure:  Yes, I am giving Christmas presents.  I bought one toy each that I hope my grandsons will enjoy, plus some books for them, plus some lovely candles and local pistachios for a few neighbors and some of my husband Jon's colleagues.  Amazon and a couple of small, local businesses met my needs.  I'm still mulling over what to give my mother-in-law, so I'm not knocking shopping. What I'm noticing is the plodding, desperate nature of it – the apparent lack of happiness in what has become a series of extra chores and activities that "must" be done in ...

Just to be clear, I'm talking about the reformed Grinch:  The one who has figured out that Christmas doesn't come from a store.  The one who has realized he doesn't hate all those Whos down in Whoville after all.  The one who is probably going to treat his dog Max much better after this. The Grinch has revised his opinions because of what the Whos did on Christmas morning after he had stolen all of their toys, trees, and turkeys.  Do you remember?  Hand in hand, they joyfully sang together. The Grinch couldn't stop Christmas from coming.  It came anyway!  That's because Christmas isn't the decorations, the feast, or the gifts. Christmas is your loved ones – family, friends, or even kind strangers. Christmas is music – singing, playing instruments, and listening to other music-makers (even on the radio ). Christmas is gratitude – so remember your many blessings and give thanks! Rich minimalists The holidays as we celebrate them in our society exagge...

Have you heard of the "Four Gift Rule" for the holidays? Something they want, Something they need, Something to wear, And something to read. This rule provides great structure and places a limit on the mountain of holiday gifts, while still allowing for plenty of delight on Christmas morning. Over the years I found that I could stick with suggestion #1 and then give my kids experiences instead of more things... except for books.  My parents always gave me books, I always gave books, and I do to this day.  In Iceland, most people receive a book as a gift on Christmas Eve.  Then the whole family tucks into bed to read their books before sleeping. Celebrate this month with some of the many, many holiday books out there.  Reading aloud in front of the fireplace (or with several lit candles * for cozy ambience) is one holiday tradition I love.  It's not too late to join in with some of my favorite selections.  Visit your library, purchase e-books, or order up a ...

Throughout history, families and cultures have taken part in shared celebrations.  Some are religious, some are seasonal, some are all about life passages and transitions. Celebrations join us together.  They create bonds and shared memories.  For families, celebrations create a family "lore."  The things you do together, the way you behave together, your special names for each other, inside jokes, favorite movie quotes, the shorthand you use with each other – all of these are bonding experiences.  They're what make your family your family, not like anyone else's.  The way your family chooses to celebrate birthdays, losing a tooth, good report cards, and all the holidays year-round becomes part of who you are.  That doesn't mean things can never change, but some aspects will become "traditional," expected, and anticipated. How to simplify celebrations while making them memorable Remember, this is all about the traditions, the "family lore."  I...

The international interest in the Danish lifestyle hygge (pronounced "hoo-gah") has been co-opted by retailers who want to sell to us.  Of course, we do need items to make life more comfortable, such as beds, tables, chairs, clothing, and food.  I happen to think we also need books, flowers, and candles.  No one – not even a minimalist like me – can stop consuming while they're alive. But what we can control is how much we buy that's unnecessary, and how much we waste.  And since hygge is an experience you can create, not a thing you can buy, we don't really need to purchase anything to have a more hyggeligt life.  A sunrise, a crisp and juicy apple, birdsong, the scent of rain, or a long, strong hug can provide that. 13 great hygge gifts So how do you give the gift of hygge?  What can you offer a loved one that will truly add to their stock of  comfort, joy, and life satisfaction ?  Here are some ideas, large and small, that shouldn't add to yo...