Here's the Only Way to Beat FOMO and Find Fulfillment

Fun to say, but not so fun to live with, FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out – drives many of us toward debt and burnout.

We struggle with the fear of missing out on activities, information, opportunities, trends, connection, and many other things.  We struggle to keep up, to be noticed, to be included, to be valued.  FOMO keeps us from looking inward to discover what really matters to us, and pushes us to look outward at peers and influencers, desperate to have what they have and do what they do.

FOMO keeps us unhappy and unfulfilled.

Are you suffering from FOMO?

Do you:

• say yes when you'd really rather say no?
• scroll endlessly through social media to see what others are doing and thinking?
• obsessively check your phone for texts, tweets, and likes?
• buy things you can't afford to keep up with everyone else?
• spend your days in a rush?
• choose popularity and convenience over quality?
• constantly compare and criticize yourself and others?
• exhaust yourself (and your family) trying to do it all?

I suffered from FOMO before it even had that name, but I finally overcame it.  

Is that really possible?  Yes – we need to get real.  Let's accept that we are gifted, but finite, and start figuring out what will make life worthwhile.

6 ways to face reality and overcome FOMO

1.  Limit devices.

We say we keep our phones on in case someone needs to reach us or there's an emergency.  And then we act like everything is an emergency that needs our immediate attention.  We respond to rings and dings and notifications as if our lives depend on it, and our attention is constantly diverted from what is real to whatever bits of information arrive on our devices.

Find a way to make your devices good tools by setting limits for their use, and stop letting them take precedence over the people, work, and experiences happening right in front of you.

2.  Under-react.

We often behave as if every bit of news, everything that slows us down, everything that doesn't go exactly as we expect is a legitimate cause for drama and stress.  We do nothing to help ourselves develop patience and tolerance.  So every day we stumble from one "crisis" to the next

Instead, choose to under-react.  The reality is that sometimes things go smoothly and sometimes they don't.  Taking time to respond thoughtfully, with grace, will help you put the little difficulties into perspective and give you resilience to handle the real problems that occur.  You'll have a better chance of making decisions based on fact rather than frustration and fear.

3.  Say "Hell yeah!" or say no.

This rule comes from author and entrepreneur Derek Sivers.  The reality is that we can't do everything, and we shouldn't.  Busyness and over-commitment keep us tense and scattered.  They rob of us the chance to focus on activities that are a perfect fit, where we will shine.

So if you can't say yes wholeheartedly, don't say "ok, I guess so."  Say no.

4.  Take a break.

When we were kids and got tired, we took a break.  In fact, our parents and teachers planned for them.  They were called "nap time," "recess," and "bed time," and no one expected us to function all day every day without them.

We may be grown up now, but the reality is that we still need to rest.  We need to put away our to-do lists and relax in ways that make us feel happy and re-energized.  We might need to sit quietly, take a walk, sing a song, paint a picture, read a book, climb a tree, or watch the sunset.

5.  Go deep.

Which is more fulfilling – to push through a bucket list of 100 or more items just so we can say we did them, or to choose a handful of important experiences to savor?

The check-it-off-the-list FOMO-driven mindset is shallow.  If we're worried about missing something, we won't be able to plumb the depths of what we really care about.  If we're struggling to keep up or catch up, we'll have to hurry past the profound encounters that might change everything.

Be more like Henry David Thoreau, who chose to "live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."

6.  Give thanks.

FOMO is an attitude of lack and deprivation – the belief that something important is passing us by.  Instead of paying attention to what we already possess, we're chasing something else.  We betray a lack of appreciation and gratitude.

When we start paying attention to the good things in our lives, and giving thanks for them, our sense of completeness grows.  We're less inclined to feel inadequate or covetous, and better able to find joy in the here and now.

Start a gratitude practice, and you'll find that FOMO loses its grip.

Updated August 2023