Maximum Gratitude, Minimal Stuff

Many who try to simplify their lives may find at some point that it's not the clutter that presents the biggest challenge to a peaceful, manageable life with less, but the person they live with.  Living with a packrat can be really frustrating, especially if that person is your life partner, but even if he or she is your college roommate. I get comments and emails from people who want to know how to deal with the situation. I've been trying to declutter, but my husband's/wife's/teenager's/roommate's stuff is driving me crazy!  They're not on board with my quest for a simpler life, and I'm getting frustrated.  How can I live with a packrat? If you're in this situation, decluttering by itself isn't going to add to your peace.  In fact, it might create more tension in your household.  It's important to find ways to deal with the issue. 4 ways to deal with your differences This issue isn't confined to clutter, and it affects a lot of relation...

We say it easily to strangers:  "Oh, sorry, my bad, I misunderstood you."  "Excuse me, I didn't see you.  Sorry." We say it easily to our bosses:  "Sorry, but I'm going to need an extra day for that report because of that other report you asked for.  Let me fill you in on what I have so far." We say it easily to friends for small things:  "Sorry I'm late.  I hope you didn't wait long." Some of us apologize all the time for little or unavoidable things that almost don't need an apology.  But if you're anything like me, there are other times when apologies are difficult.  That's usually when you really have something to apologize for.  When an apology is necessary in order to repair a relationship.  When the apology involves accepting blame (or part of it) for something you did or didn't do. The conditions of love With Valentine's Day around the corner, it's time to think about love, not just for romantic par...

I can't believe it's been 42 years since I met my husband.  We sat next to each other in Sunday school on a cold and rainy day, at a church I was being paid to attend.  (I had been hired to provide special music for the morning service.)  And here we are, married for over four decades, commemorating that first accidental meeting and the one – even more surprising – that occurred the next day . The basis of a long-term relationship isn't flowers or date night, as enjoyable as these are.  Author Erica Bauermeister describes these as "the equivalent of a new color painted on your walls."  And that's pleasant, maybe a little exciting, but it has nothing to do with the sturdy structure of your house. And structure is what you need for longevity. Essential building blocks So what does form a solid structure – the firm foundation, sound frame, and impermeable roof of your relationship?  It's unloading the dishwasher even though it's your partner's turn, ...

Do you ever wonder if you're doing minimalism the "right" way?  Maybe you cleaned out your closets and your junk drawers, got rid of the china cabinet and the extra TVs, but then a few days later you bought some new clothes or books. Or maybe you've streamlined your budget and paid off almost all of your debt, but now you're thinking the money you've put into your emergency savings account could pay for your dream trip to New Zealand. And maybe you stay home with your family most week nights, and you've cut your involvement in extra meetings and activities that no longer excite you, but each weekend seems to have a church responsibility, another job you want to finish in your fixer-upper home, and/or a get-together of some kind. Are you really a minimalist? What minimalism is Minimalism isn't about getting rid of everything you own or living like a monk in a cave.  It's about getting back to basics, keeping only what you need, use, and love, and en...

At some point, most of us will relocate.  After all, the average American can expect to move 11.7 times during their lifetime.  That sounds about right to me – I've lived in 15 places over the past 60 years, ten of them since graduating college, in two different states and six communities, ranging from leafy suburbia to densely populated urban areas to a small old town surrounded by rice fields, with a population less than 5,000. And each time I've moved, my family has packed up more possessions than I imagined we owned.  Beds, tables, chairs, rugs, dishes, bicycles, books, and more books.  It would be easier to sell, give away, or even set fire to all of that stuff, and start over from scratch. But I've never done that, so the carefully packed and stacked items have been carried out of each old home and into each new one in order to be arranged, organized, and stored away.  Each item that finds a spot in the new place helps re-create a sense of familiarity and ...

When I was growing up, the question asked about many purchases was "Can we afford this?"  That's really the only criterion I remember being considered.  And if there was enough money in the piggy bank or checking account, or enough room on the credit card, the answer was "yes." And so the purchase was made. How we justify our whims Now, I'm not suggesting that this question should never be asked.  Of course it's important to use funds wisely and stay within a budget.  But this question only came up when the purchase being contemplated was something extra.  We didn't ask it about groceries, gas, or laundry detergent. No, those aren't the kinds of purchases we need to justify, and so they aren't the purchases we question.  "Can we afford it?" is a question for that thing we just saw and decided we want.  It's the question we ask about a piece of clothing we don't absolutely need, or a tchotchke for the house, or a leisure acti...